by Stratovarius » Sat 30 Dec 2006, 19:08:54
It seems like I can't do much unless there is a complete and total downfall of western civilization with zombies and cannibals and people nonchalantly walking around with rifles with no worry of the law. At that point, you own what you can defend.
Otherwise, the more likely situation, I'll come out of the useless public school system having no money or a job into a dying economy with my connections (my friends) in the same situation.
Mechanical engineering degree? I hope the shit doesn't hit the fan before I actually complete it. Professors or whoever works at universities might decide it's better not to go to work anymore.
I can't rely on my parents. My mom is working from paycheck to paycheck and doesn't have a clue about what the hell she's doing. My dad is a fascist greedy asshole and I wouldn't be surprised if he ran away after he finds out a recession is coming. He's also totally clueless and lives in a bubble...he keeps trying to talk me into moving to Saudi Arabia with him so he can get a job LMFAO. Apparently 5,000 / month retirement pension isn't enough (where is all his money going?). Oh right, to send me to college even though he fucked over his other kids after promising to send them to college.
The worst part is that I'm not free until...2012/2013? What state will the world be in by then? Hopefully things will be okay, but maybe it will be all-out-war by then. In which case, I am fucked.
Sorry, I'm ranting like hell.
***
Anyway, it's like all this Christmas break I was supposed to do a bunch of things I promised myself I would do, but then now it's almost January and I haven't done SHIT. I mostly played video games and wasted time...ugh...
I used to work out regularly, for some reason I quit that. I used to read a lot, for some reason I read a fourth of what I previously did. I'm all-talk. I talk talk talk and don't do anything. I'm a fraud, poser, a failure.
If I was thrown out on the street this very second I would not be able to do anything...and therein lies the problem. I'm totally dependent right now and can't do anything.
I wish I could just drop out of school and get into college this second but TPTB (my parents included) don't like overachievers.
And yes, I used to be healthy, but I'm turning into a fat, lazy, apathetic, fuck. I used to run track, cross country (I even placed) and played basketball. But since I'm such an asshole toward the system I decided to quit in order to pursue other endeavors, which I sort of have, but mostly all-talk because I'm a lazy fatass.
Somebody slap some fucking sense into me and tell me to quit my bitchin' and get my shit together.
I hate myself.
Oh and I listened to that radio program someone posted, kinda helped. I think I'm still in that "shocked" stage spanning out over a month and a half period. Caught in the headlights.