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Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

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Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby TommyJefferson » Sun 19 Feb 2006, 21:21:53

Are you guys familiar with the Jack Chick religious tracts? They look like this...

Image

Image

http://www.chick.com

I found my first "Chick Tract" in 1977 on the back of a gas station restroom toilet when I was 11 years old. It scared the crap out of me.

My parents were not religious. We went to church for weddings and funerals and such. I asked my parents about it. They said "Meh, you have to decide for yourself".

The other kids on my street in Louisiana were all Catholic. They said I was going to hell for sure. I asked an old Jewish man who would talk to me on his porch. He said the same thing as my parents.

For 5 years I began collecting bibles and read every Chick Tract I could find and dillegently studied that little red New Testament they gave us at school. I was scared to death.

At 13 I read Hal Lindsay's Late Great Planet Earth which really put the Fear of God into me.

At 15 I hooked up with Jehovah's Witnesses and studied with them, but I could never get over the inconsistencies. In college I spent hundreds of hours in the library reading religious commentary comparing different versions of the bible.

Years later I finally came to the conclusion that there is no way to know something that cannot be known, and quit worrying about it.

I live moderately and try not to hurt others, but those Chick Tracts still make me wince.
Conform . Consume . Obey .
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby Schweinshaxe » Sun 19 Feb 2006, 22:25:54

Chick Tracts?

Well, you learn something new every day...

I really like them. Some of them could have been printed in Mad... I have to take a closer look at this.

This one is begging to be shopped:

Allah Had No Son... "And the Islamic religion is bringing England to her knees."

Some more:

Chick Tracts
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby Novus » Mon 20 Feb 2006, 00:08:01

I would not fear Chick Tracts for it seems too cruel to come from a God that is pure love.

I read a story on another forum that seems more Plausable:

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', '
')A man recently died and found himself before an angel. His past life flashed before his eyes all the way up to the moment of his death. He was rather young, rich, and healthy and thought himself most indestructable. He was an athiest and he did not believe he needed help from Jesus. In his eyes hell and miricales where just childish superstition. In his entire life he few good works and almost never helped those less fortunate.

The angel said unto the man: "You have died and passed into the next life."
Then the man said: "Is this heaven?"
The angel replied: "No, this is the pearly gate where mens' souls are judged if they should enter into heaven or hell?"
Then the man thought to himself 'oh great I am surely going to hell.'
The angel percieved his thoughts and said: "We will not send you to hell. Jesus suffered and died on the cross for your sins you are free to enter into his joy. We will give you a choice of either entering heaven or hell."
The man was about to speak but the angel continued: "I will take you to heaven for two minutes and then I will take you hell for two minutes and after that you will decide where you will spend eternity."

The angel then took the man's hand and transported him to heaven. In heaven he saw the golden city of the Lord where everyone was happy and there is no night for the sun shines forever. Everyone he saw was smiling and wore fine clothes. There were also plenty of fine ladies to look at and so the man was pleased at what he saw.

Then the angel said to the man: "You can enter into heaven now if you like without ever having seen hell."
The man replied: "I was foolish and ignorant in my past life. I do not want to make the same mistake angain. Let me see hell so I can have the wisdom to make the final decision for my eternity."
"Very well," said the angel "I will show you hell."

The angel took the man's hand again and transported him to hell. In hell the man heard loud music of every kind blaring over a multitude of millions upon billions of people. Most of the people were naked and they all had extreamly sexy bodies. Many were piled ontop of each other having endless sex while others were dancing and partying. There was much yelling and screaming to highest of carnel delight.

Just as the man was taking it all in full of tempted bewilderment the angel pulled him back and transported him back to the pearly gates.

The angel said: "What is your decision?"
The man quickly replied: "I want to go to hell. Take me back to hell."
The angel then said: "Are you sure you do not want to go to heaven."
The man said: "Yes, take me to hell."
The angel warned him and said: "When you make this decision it will be final. Are you absolutely sure you want to go to hell?"
The man replied: "I have seen both heaven and hell and hell is the place for me."

The angel then revealed a scroll which the man then signed. And having signed his soul to the Devil the man was sent to hell and beyond all redemption.

When the man returned to hell it was different then the vision he saw before. He found himself chained to a large crystal on a small island on the lake of fire. On the far shore of the lake he could faintly hear the music and the screams the partying multitudes. The man waited and waited for when he could get to join the party. Eventually it dawned on him that he had been tricked not once but twice and so his soul was lost forever.


If you love God/Jesus more then you love anything the devil can tempt you with you will go to heaven. Atleast that is what I believe.
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby PenultimateManStanding » Mon 20 Feb 2006, 00:39:43

Sister Catherine died and went not to heaven, where she belonged, but to hell by accident. She couldn't believe it, having lived a virtuous life in faith. She called up Saint Peter and asked him to please see if there was a mistake. She said, "Oh Saint Peter, this is horrible. There's drinking and gambling and fornication everywhere!" Saint Peter promised to look at her file and to call her back. A week went by but no call from Saint Peter. After another week, she called Saint Peter and said, "Pete, this is Kate, forget about it."
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby Aaron » Mon 20 Feb 2006, 07:30:07

A man died and went to Hell. Satan was waiting for him.

"Welcome to Hell, man. Here in Hell, we do different things on different days. Tell me, do you like drinking?"

"Of course I do, I'm a man."

"Well, you're going to love Mondays then. All we do on Monday is sit around and drink. We've got a bar in the backyard with every beer under the sun and all the hard liquor you can drink.

Tell me, do you like gambling?"
"Of course I like to gamble, I'm a man."

"Well, you're going to love Tuesdays, because all we do on Tuesdays is gamble. Downstairs we've got this plush casino with all the games of chance your heart desires.

Devil: "You're not gay are you?"
Man: "Of course I'm not gay!"
Devil: "Well then... you're gonna hate Wednesdays."
The problem is, of course, that not only is economics bankrupt, but it has always been nothing more than politics in disguise... economics is a form of brain damage.

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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby Schweinshaxe » Mon 20 Feb 2006, 17:36:31

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Aaron', 'A') man died and went to Hell. Satan was waiting for him.

"Welcome to Hell, man. Here in Hell, we do different things on different days. Tell me, do you like drinking?"

"Of course I do, I'm a man."

"Well, you're going to love Mondays then. All we do on Monday is sit around and drink. We've got a bar in the backyard with every beer under the sun and all the hard liquor you can drink.

Tell me, do you like gambling?"
"Of course I like to gamble, I'm a man."

"Well, you're going to love Tuesdays, because all we do on Tuesdays is gamble. Downstairs we've got this plush casino with all the games of chance your heart desires.

Devil: "You're not gay are you?"
Man: "Of course I'm not gay!"
Devil: "Well then... you're gonna hate Wednesdays."


8O

I almost don't want to know what happens on Thursdays... What could it be? Mandatory public peak oil discussions with Rush Limbaugh as moderator? "Well people, let's go through the PO-zombie vs. the MacGyver survivalist scenario again for the millionth time..."
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby smallpoxgirl » Mon 20 Feb 2006, 17:48:15

If you think chick tracts are fun, you should check out the Grampa Jack pamphlet series by Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership. It's sort of like gun control chick tracts.

Image
ImageImage
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby PenultimateManStanding » Mon 20 Feb 2006, 17:51:16

Fridays: tupperware parties
Saturdays: watching slide shows of somebody's trip to DisneyWorld
Sundays: listening to insurance salesmen
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby Schweinshaxe » Mon 20 Feb 2006, 19:10:37

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('smallpoxgirl', 'I')f you think chick tracts are fun, you should check out the Grampa Jack pamphlet series by Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership. It's sort of like gun control chick tracts.


smallpoxgirl (almost) scared me as an adult...

SPG, is this you:

Image

A physician with those attributes would always be welcome to Old Europe...

I'll make SBC the Queen of Europe but you could always be the commander of my private royal guard. Excellent salary, bonus and benefits.
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby smallpoxgirl » Mon 20 Feb 2006, 19:36:11

God. Are you kidding? I'd freeze to death up here dressed like that. It was -22 F ( That's -30 German) here on Friday morning.

Besides. A Glock? Gads. Stupid plastic gun.

Imagine her with a parka, this rifle:

Image

and this pistol:
Image
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby Schweinshaxe » Mon 20 Feb 2006, 20:16:00

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('smallpoxgirl', 'G')od. Are you kidding? I'd freeze to death up here dressed like that. It was -22 F ( That's -30 German) here on Friday morning.

Besides. A Glock? Gads. Stupid plastic gun.

Imagine her with a parka, this rifle:

Image

and this pistol:
Image






Well, "-30 German" is an average Swedish summer day. I'm not impressed... :roll:

I'd suggest the G3:

Image

It's not made of recycled plastic bottles... The more you abuse it, the more it'll love you...

Instead of a pistol, a knife... If you have good a knife, you are the master of your own Universe. If you have a good knife and know how to handle it, you'll survive everything!

The fire, my friend, is the difference between life and death up there in the High North. The knife is your only friend. Without a good knife, no fire. No fire, death...
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby Gigashadow » Mon 20 Feb 2006, 21:46:18

This site is the best ever:

http://216.131.88.117/chick/intro.html

It's a parody of chick tracts. In fact, sometimes the meaning is perverted to come out the opposite of what was originally intended.
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby rogerhb » Mon 20 Feb 2006, 22:31:17

On a serious note (re: Chick Tract refering the Islam originating from Moon God worshippers) is this excellent summary.

ANTHROPOLOGY AND THE BIBLE

Basically has Yahweh as a son of El, eg as one of the Elohim.

Interesting for a monotheist religion, claiming "There is none like you among the gods, O Yahweh" (Psalm 86:8) means admitting there are other gods, but my god is bigger than your god.
"Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers." - Henry Louis Mencken
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby PenultimateManStanding » Mon 20 Feb 2006, 23:07:28

It's confusing, here's more of Psalm 86:

86:8 None can compare to you among the gods, O Lord!

Your exploits are incomparable!9

86:9 All the nations, whom you created,

will come and worship you,10 O Lord.

They will honor your name.

86:10 For you are great and do amazing things.

You alone are God.

So first he's the best, then he's the only.
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby lotrfan55345 » Tue 21 Feb 2006, 00:44:35

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Schweinshaxe', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('smallpoxgirl', 'I')f you think chick tracts are fun, you should check out the Grampa Jack pamphlet series by Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership. It's sort of like gun control chick tracts.


smallpoxgirl (almost) scared me as an adult...

SPG, is this you:

Image

A physician with those attributes would always be welcome to Old Europe...

I'll make SBC the Queen of Europe but you could always be the commander of my private royal guard. Excellent salary, bonus and benefits.


Wearing wayyy to much foundation... and it's all the same color....
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby PenultimateManStanding » Tue 21 Feb 2006, 00:50:30

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('lotrfan55345', '
')Image
Wearing wayyy to much foundation... and it's all the same color....
Icky.
too much foundation!? WTF. I like the jaunty way she's packin' the pistol.
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby whatpeak » Tue 21 Feb 2006, 10:48:47

In addition to comic books and pocket-sized publications, Chick Publications publishes anti-Catholic literature. In the publication Smokescreens, Chick compares the Whore of Revelation to the Catholic Church.
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby smallpoxgirl » Tue 21 Feb 2006, 11:50:47

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Schweinshaxe', 'W')ell, "-30 German" is an average Swedish summer day. I'm not impressed... :roll:


Well I bet you don't go running around in Daisy Duke shorts either. (Actually if you do, I don't want to know about it.)
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Re: Chick Tracts scared me as a kid

Unread postby PrairieMule » Tue 21 Feb 2006, 13:16:52

Haw Haw Haw! I love me some chick tracts!
Back in the 70's both my Mother and Stepfather were serious Jesus Freaks, I was too. Chick Tracts are kind of like hardcore Christian Twilight Zone Comics, very high on the Hocus Pocus factor.I have sinced mellowed out and become a southern baptist (and some of you think baptists are hard core haw haw haw-You Goofed!). If curious, go straight to the sourse at www.chick.com (Mule's honor this is not a porn site) and click on tracts, then select your language.

FAIR WARNING-this is some pretty disturbing stuff and is not appropriate for kids. The christian community grins and wists at Jack Chick the way the black community looks at Louis Farakhan. It has it's purpose but also in some ways done a disservice to christians. Christianity is not "Fire Insurance" for people scare into buying. It's a little deeper.

Now that that's out of the way, check out The Last Generation. Jack's at his peak with NWO, Rapture, etc.
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