Humor: "Sick" Jokes

by **PenultimateManStanding** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 04:11:09

When I was in third grade, I took a paperback book of sick jokes to school to share with my classmates. We'd laugh at them during recess. My third grade teacher (a horror, the worst of my childhood

) confiscated it from me. It had jokes like: the kids go to Johnny's house and ask Johnny's mother if he can come to play baseball with them. Johnny's mother says 'you know Johnny has no arms and legs!' The kids say 'that's OK, we want to use him for third base.' I have recently heard variants of that old sick joke:

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on the floor? Matt

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs towed behind a speedboat? Skip

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs nailed to the wall? Art

What do you call a girl with one leg? Eileen

by **The_Virginian** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 04:28:11

what do you call 200 blind lesbians locked in a Tuna factory?

Feeding Frenzy.

Do you think tha's what upset your teach?

Yah I had the book too...inherited from a brother.

by **PenultimateManStanding** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 04:32:17

You kidding? I never heard the word lesbian when I was a kid (early 60s). No, it was more like how did Hellen Keller burn her fingers? She tried to read the waffle iron.

by **Antimatter** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 06:10:22

sick jokes.... :-D

Q: Whats the best thing about sex with 28 year olds?

A: There's twenty of them.

Q: What did the blind, deaf and mute kid get for christmass?

A: Cancer :cry:

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

A: Bob.

by **killJOY** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 08:10:31

You might be a Southerner (Virginian) if:

You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.

You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'

Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack

The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."

Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."

etc.

by **The_Virginian** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 08:39:37

let's keep it rolling:

You just might be a Redneck if:

Your child's first words were
"Attention K-Mart shoppers!"

Someone asks to see your ID and you
show them your belt buckle.

Anyone in your family died right
after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".

You think a woman who is
"out of your league"
bowls on a different night.

Your house doesn't have curtains,
but your truck does.

You may be a redneck if you ever
used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin beer when it gets light.

You think the stock market
has fence around it.

You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your entire family has ever sat around
waiting for a call from the Governor
to spare a loved one.

You think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.

The FBI surrounded your trailer park
twice so far this year.

You stare at an orange juice container
because it says, "CONCENTRATE".

You wonder how service stations
keep their restrooms so clean.

On Thanksgiving Day you have
to decide which pet to eat.

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

You hammer bottle caps into the
frame of your front door to make it look nice.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Your dog can't watch you eat
without getting sick.

You've painted a car with house paint. (spray paint count?)

You're banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.

You ever named a child after a dog.

You have more belt-buckles than pants. (do gunbelts count?)

by **The_Virginian** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 08:52:09

We even have our own magazinier, us being sophistacated and all:
(u can even git your own Redneck sponsord card!)

http://www.redneckworld.com/Redneck_Car ... _card.html

Our former candidate for Prez:

http://www.earlpitts.us/content/earlBio.php

by **The_Virginian** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 09:05:35

http://americancivilwar.com/south/conflag/southflg.html

Here is the "constitution":

http://americancivilwar.com/documents/c ... ution.html

by **Aqua** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 09:32:04

Two Palestinian Women are walking down the street. One turns to the other and says, “Do you think my bomb looks big in this”

Q: What do you call an Indian virgin? A: Shy Ann

Q: What do you do if an epileptic takes a fit in the bath? A: Throw the washing in.

Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of lepers? A: Porridge.

by **Trindelm** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 11:20:12

Q: Why was the leper Hockey Game Cancelled?

A: There was a face-off in the rink.

Q: What do you call a leper sitting on bread?

A: Pizza

Q: Why was the Leper Football (US or Canadian) game called off?

A: There was a hand-off at the 10 yard line.

:twisted:

by **freelight** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 11:53:31

whats funnier than a dead baby?
a dead baby in a clown suit!

whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of bowling balls?
you can't load bowling balls into a pickup with a pitch-fork!

whats the difference between a sack of dead babies and a ferrari?
i don't have a ferrari in my garage!

whats the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
you don't *boink* an apple before you eat it!

sorry folks :oops:

by **KiddieKorral** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 11:56:22

What's worse than 10 dead babies in a trash can?

One dead baby in 10 trash cans.

by **El_Producto** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 12:10:23

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('freelight', 'w')hats funnier than a dead baby?
a dead baby in a clown suit!

whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of bowling balls?
you can't load bowling balls into a pickup with a pitch-fork!

whats the difference between a sack of dead babies and a ferrari?
i don't have a ferrari in my garage!

whats the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
you don't *boink* an apple before you eat it!

sorry folks :oops:

by **Tyler_JC** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 12:22:03

What claws at the glass and screams before it explodes?

A baby in a microwave.

What's the difference between a baby and a chicken?

After you cut a baby's head off, it doesn't run around for 5 minutes.

What's the difference between babies and ice cream?

I don't get a headache from eating nothing but babies for an hour.

by **gnm** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 12:33:23

What do you call a quadraplegic in a swimming pool?

"Bob"

-G

by **Daculling** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 22:03:19

What's better than having sex with a 10 year old Asian boy?

.
.
.
.
.

Nothing.

/Totally sick, please don't ban me.

by **EnergySpin** » Tue 26 Jul 2005, 22:27:22

What changes colors from green to red?

A frog in the blender

by **Antimatter** » Thu 28 Jul 2005, 09:29:16

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('EnergySpin', 'W')hat changes colors from green to red?

A frog in the blender

by **PenultimateManStanding** » Mon 16 Jan 2006, 16:44:13

Any more of these sweet gems?

by **PenultimateManStanding** » Mon 16 Jan 2006, 17:10:31

Here's my picks for the best sick jokes (so far):

Q: What did the blind, deaf and mute kid get for christmass?
A: Cancer

You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company

You stare at an orange juice container
because it says, "CONCENTRATE".

Whats the difference between Micheal Jackson and acne?
Acne doesnt' usually come on a kids face untill hes at least 13

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs towed behind a speedboat? Skip

Humor: "Sick" Jokes

Humor: "Sick" Jokes

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Re: Sick Jokes

Re: Sick Jokes

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